A father’s hiding place
“She is a playful child who doesn’t like to do schoolwork and is the live wire at home.
“Getting up in the morning to go to school isn’t her favourite part of the day. She is irritable and often throws a tantrum.
“She spends hours in the room making TikTok videos and is a wizard at shooting, editing, uploading, and sharing them with her cousins.”
Her doting father Ng Yu Chuan also speaks fondly of how he savours the father-daughter bonding time when he sent and fetched her from school and tuition classes.
“Whenever the school teacher reports on the pupils who did not do their homework, her name would surely be on the list!” Yu Chuan laughed and shook his head as if he just had a futile chat with his 11- year-old daughter Yee Tong about school.
He casually mentioned that he shared a meal with her on Friday.
Yu Chuan, 44, visits Yee Tong’s grave on Fridays to talk to her and to eat with her. Every other Sunday, he brings his wife and son to visit her as well. On special occasions, such as the Mid-Autumn Festival, they bring lanterns, and for the Lunar New Year, they bring fireworks to celebrate with her.
Yee Tong was one of those who lost their lives in the landslide in Batang Kali that claimed 31 lives in December 2022. She was on a camping trip with her brother, an aunty and cousins when the tragedy happened.
“That night, I was the one who saw the news about the landslide, and I quickly checked Facebook to confirm it was in the same area where my children were camping. Finally, my wife and I confirmed with her sister,” Yu Chuan, choked up, looked away and saw rain pouring outside the window.
“She told us: “When it rains you will see me because my name is Yue (rain in Chinese). Rain symbolizes hope and gentleness. Rain can bring new life to the earth, representing a new beginning and growth.
“Tong or Tung is the name of an elegant tree, and Tung often symbolizes nobility and elegance. Put together, ‘Yutong’ represents bringing hope and a bright future.
Yu Chuan carries 3 phones with him. One of them has all of Yee Tong’s data which he backed up from her old phone.
Today, his whole world with his daughter is in all the videos and photos on all his phones. A recent photo of Yee Tong is printed on the back cover of one of the phones.
Besides this, he also carries her picture of her that he had framed into a pendantand he wears it whenever he goes for a marathon, travel or for important occasions.
“I still keep her text messages asking me to take her here and there to buy things, and snacks at 99 Mart or to her friend’s house. She is very caring and would also buy for her brother.
“She likes to make videos for TikTok and always asked us to buy the accessories and stickers to make videos that she shares with her cousin. One day I asked her what she would want to be when she grew up. Her reply – Youtuber!
“When she was younger, before she had the phone, she would turn on her favourite music and sing along once she got into the car. And the three of us – her, her brother and I – would hum along together. But since the phone, she just went tick tick tat tat tapping on the phone,” Yu Chuan laughed grasping at every fond memory of this precocious child.
“She likes to learn new things like playing the piano but her interests won’t last. There is a beautiful white piano standing at home which is now a reminder of her interest and spirit. She has never played a single song on it though,” Yu Chuan took a moment to hold back tears before reminiscing about getting past the early days after she passed away.
The things in her room remained untouched with a note that Yee Tong had put on the table forbidding anyone to touch her things. The room is in their new house where she had stayed for 5 months before the tragedy.
“She was very particular about the colour scheme for the room. Though she liked pink the tone must not be too dark,” said Yu Chuan who numbed his grief with alcohol for the first two months since she died.
“She has always been very inquisitive but also easily irritable with a bit of a tantrum on the side especially when I tried to help her tie her hair, because I didn’t do it nicely, or pinched her ice cream. Most times, she likes typical girl stuff and does her own thing in the room like putting on makeup.
“I dreamt of her 3 times. The first time was of me at the funeral talking to her body and suddenly her eyes opened. I was shocked and woke up. I tried to fall back asleep because there were so many things I still wanted to say to her, but I couldn’t.
In my second dream my late father, whom Yee Tong had not met before, brought her to meet me. In the third dream, I was at the car porch waiting for my wife to fetch me and she was maybe 8 or 10 years old pestering me to play with her and to carry her. Then I complied and also told her that I was thinking of her.“
Despite the weight of grief Yu Chuan has kept on doing the things his daughter would have done if she were here. For example, raising a puppy that she had always asked for. Last year Yee Tong would have taken her UPSR exam and graduated with her classmates. Even though she wasn’t here to sit for the exam, the school was kind enough to send her parents an invitation for her supposed graduation last year.
Yu Chuan and his wife mourn their loss separately in their own way. With unprocessed grief, Yu Chuan took a bold step into recalling profound memories of Yee Tong if only just to hear her laugh, smile at her pranks and let the warmth touch his heavy heart momentarily.
“One particular one was when she took her hamster, so small the size of her palm, and she got her mum and brother to search online and going from one place to another looking for a vet who would treat hamsters. That was quite hilarious.
“We had many good memories during the MCO staying in the house doing things together from cutting hair to cooking maggi mee and waffles.”
Far from being over the tragedy, Yu Chuan has built himself a hiding place in his heart where his daughter comes alive with every patter of raindrops, every replay of her video, every time he steps into 99 Mart and every peep into her room where the figure of the unicorn rides high on the wall carrying her dreams.
